You should be here

“You'd be taking way too many pictures on your phone

Showing them off to everybody that you know back home

And even some you don't yeah

They say now you're in a better place

And I would be too if I could see your face

You should be here, standing with your arm around me here

Cutting up, cracking a cold beer

Saying cheers, hey y'all it's sure been a good year

It's one of those moments, that's got your name written all over it

And you know that if I had just one wish

It'd be that you didn't have to miss this

Aw you should be here

You'd be loving this, you'd be freaking out, you'd be smiling, yeah

I know you'd be all about what's going on right here right now

God I wish somehow you could be here”

I’ve heard this song many times but it hit different the other day. If you knew my dad you know he was always taking pictures. There have been so many big things the last year I know he would be so excited about. Today would have been his 60th birthday. As time goes on it gets harder and harder because I realize I don’t have any new pictures. Just the ones taken over 2 years ago. I’m thankful now for all the pictures, silly videos, and voicemails he sent.

While I agree with this song he “should be here” I’ve also come to accept that when it is your time to go, there is nothing you can do about it. I don’t like this and will never understand the timing of some things but I have accepted it. I do everything I can to stay safe and healthy but I no longer live in fear. It’s something I’ve struggled with a lot the last 2 and a half years. I recently heard another song that also really stuck with me and comforted me. “From life’s first cry to final breath, Jesus commands my destiny”. It just reminded me that I’m not in control. Despite missing him every single day, it has brought me some peace accepting this.

I didn’t do anything huge for my dads birthday this year like I have in the past. But I did do something I think he would like. A while back I took Logan to the cemetery with me. I have a cardinal and a turtle figurine on his grave. I was explaining why I have them there and mentioned we needed to bring some more flowers. Logan said, “No! More turtles!” 😂 so that’s what we did. I used the kids thumbprints to make turtles that we will take out there later.

My mom and I have talked about how hard it is to know all the things he’s missing here. But we know that where he is, is so much better. While we wish he was here, we know he’s in a better place, waiting on us and thinking how much we’re missing out.

Happy birthday Pops. Love you and promise to always keep your memory alive ❤️